Shinigami Movie Night
by mochi rabbit
Summary: Off duty Death Gods sneak into the 12th Div. to utilize the widescreen. Of course, these little trips are made only when Capt. Kurotsuchi is confirmed to be playing mad scientist at the labs for the night.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Bleach is the work of the maestro Kubo Tite.

**Shinigami Movie Night**

Abarai Renji surveyed the crowded room with a sense of satisfaction and pride. Only an accomplished mastermind could fully appreciate the finesse it took to organize these clandestine gatherings.

Tonight promised to be another one of those nights. Kurotsuchi-_taichou_'s presence was guaranteed in the dissection labs. While Captain Creepy was playing at mad scientist, it would be Happy Hour time for the off-duty Death Gods.

As the saying goes: While the cat is away, the mice come out to play. The merry-making crowd had arrived in the screening room of the 12th Division Head Quarters.

The usual encrypted messages had been sent out to call the men together for a guys-night-out.

The mutual understanding ran along the lines of: Bring on the Asahi, bring on the _sake_!

There were no worries that the vice-captain, Kurotsuchi Nemu would tell. On the nights when she could get out of lab assistant duty, she actually joined the girls in the Shinigami Women's League for movies.

There were risks of course. Nobody messed with Captain Kurotsuchi Mayuri without having nightmares of being strapped down to an operating table. This was not for the faint of heart –which was why there was nearly always a full attendance from the 11th Division. The 12th Division hardly dared to show their noses since they knew better.

Tonight was movie night for the assembled Shinigami and Renji was the man of the hour. Now, it was time to make his entrance. The red-haired vice-captain of the 6th Division swaggered his way towards the front of the room.

No captains here to give disapproving looks. None of the fussy female Shinigami's to call the men on their immature behavior.

Oh, yeah! Renji did a little shimmy on the spot and punched his fist into the air. Movie Night!

The men roared their approval. Heads bobbed their appreciation in the crowd. The room made a toast to him, _sake _cups flying in every direction.

Renji owned the crowd. The stage was all his. He addressed his _slightly _tipsy audience. "This program was brought to you, all the way from the mortal world, by yours truly!" He waited for the clapping to subside, and continued, "Men, tonight, I give you…the _Death Note Movie_!Please sit back and enjoy the show!"

Renji took his seat. Iba Tetsuzaemon got to his feet and took over where Renji had left. The man who gave everyone an impression of a classic street _yakuza_ was still sporting sunglasses even though the room was darkened. "_Yo, listen up proper, you miserable_ _punks!_" He interrupted himself with a cough. "… I meant, gentlemen, I call your attention to a brief reminder…"

Iba seemed to be struggling with the announcement. "Don't ignore your Hellmoth messengers. But, kindly receive the _fu-_unny _bastards_, I meant: beasts, _outside_ so you don't ruin it for the brother next to you. _You got that, you bunch of low-lifes?_ _You better had –'cuz I_ _sure as hell ain't gonna repeat myself to you_."

The crowd (of punks and low-lifes) hesitantly applauded his efforts. The emcee with the potty-mouth problem bowed and sat down.

As the screen came to life, there was a small commotion from the back. An apologetic voice floated across the room like a crippled fly. "Excuse me! Excuse me!"

"Oww, my foot! Watch it, 4th Division pipsqueak!" snapped the owner of a voice who sounded as if he wouldn't think twice about giving pests a quick swipe with a swatter.

"Oh, I'm sorry! Shall I heal it for you now?"

Someone from behind started to throw popcorn at the suggestion. "Oi! Bighead! You're blocking the screen! Move it!" A cushion-seat was added to the volley of projectiles.

Renji snorted and rolled his eyes. There was no mistaking who the aforementioned 'pipsqueak' was. "Yamada Hanatarou, get your skinny-ass over here!" he hollered, quickly signaling to the late-comer.

Well, Renji had fulfilled Rukia's request. She had asked him to be nice to the 4th Division paramedic. But, she hadn't said anything about not being rude.

Ayasegawa Yumichika shifted restlessly and gave an exasperated sigh. The (self-proclaimed) prettiest officer in the 11th Division threw an annoyed glare behind his shoulder. "Whoever throwing the popcorn –stop it! It's getting in my beautiful hair!"

There was a sudden hail of popcorn raining in the vicinity of Yumichika. The targeted victim imparted the nearby audience with an ear-popping shriek of protest.

A slightly deafened and definitely pissed-off Abarai Renji stood up. "Whoever throwing the popcorn –stop it _now_! It cost me a mint from Urahara's shop!"

They settled down for a record-breaking six seconds until some big mouthed troublemaker called out, "Hey, who let the bald guy sit in front? I can't see from the glare!"

Madarame Ikkaku shot up from his seat, his zanpakutou, Houzukimaru, in hand. "The one who called me _bald_ –stand up and identify yourself!"

By the time the chaos died down –when the guilty perpetrator was deported, and Ikkaku placated, the movie was well into the first action scene.

oooOooo

"Where are the snacks? Pass the peanuts over."

"Pass the message on to pass the peanuts here…"

Renji concentrated on ignoring the whispering behind him. The movie was just getting to the good part. As if in agreement, the murmuring stopped. Then, there was a tap on his shoulder. "_Anou_, Abarai-_fukutaichou_…?"

Renji gave a loud 'tsk' of annoyance. "The freakin' peanuts aren't here," he said, quickly.

The voice refused to go away. It began again with an even clearer note of discomfort that Renji would've noticed if he had been paying less attention to the screen, "It's not the peanuts. It's your _taichou…_"

Renji turned around impatiently, "My officious _taichou_ isn't here ei… Er, Kuchiki-_taichou_, you _are_ here! How unexpected…" he trailed off and finished with a wide, glassy grin.

The uninvited visitor gazed down with an utterly removed expression on his face. Renji returned the icy look with one akin to that of a boy caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Oh, _cripes_! That was the problem with having the frosty nobleman as a Captain. You couldn't really judge how much trouble you were in by his face. And what had he _called_ him again? Oh, right. Something along the lines of… _fussy_. He was a dead man.

Renji thought he had better break the silence before Captain Kuchiki brought up the issue of being so rudely addressed by his subordinate. The red-haired shinigami fumbled for something to say. "Since you're here, _taichou_, why don't you… _join us_?"

The lads opened their eyes wide at his daring.

The 6th Division Captain made some quick speculations. If he hauled their asses off and had this bunch of fools detained, he would have to write a report for each and every one arrested. The number of detained officers here would result in a mountain-load of paperwork that would keep him behind his desk for weeks. Especially since it appeared that he couldn't even dump any onto his _fuku-taichou_'s desk.

The fool appeared to be the ringleader behind this circus.

Someone had paused the movie on the screen. Kuchiki Byakuya's voice carried clearly across the room. "Tell me, Renji. Could it be that you are… drunk?" Byakuya said, ending his sentence in a somewhat delicate tone.

Renji gave the question a moment of thought and carefully replied, "I don't think so? No, I could drink more. And _drunk_ is such an ugly word, _taichou…_"

Byakuya thought that being in the state of intoxication and being capable of ingesting more _sake _were different matters that held no relation in his question. All except that one thing would lead to the other, of course.

"You have received permission for this…" Byakuya's eyes flicked over briefly to the (mostly empty) bottles of liquor –they appeared to have sampled the entire assortment Asahi Breweries, Ltd. had to offer. "…meeting?"

"No. But, we're not exactly breaking the rules."

"You call this _not _breaking the rules?" Yes, Byakuya thought to himself, most definitely _drunk_. And quite incapable of lucid judgment.

"Well, that is fundamentally arguable," Renji said. "Captain Kurotsuchi is just too stingy to share the screen. It's not like we're going to _steal_ it. It's too big to go through the doorway."

And they've tried it, Byakuya thought.

"Fine. I shall see for myself what this is all about."

Jaws fell open in shock across the room as the statement made contact with alcohol-induced fuzzy minds.

Renji gathered what wits he had left and said, "Have a seat, Captain…"

oooOooo

As the ending credits scrolled across the giant screen, the officers turned to look at the captain seated in their midst. Kuchiki Byakuya had sat with his hands-crossed and a look of appraisal on his face throughout the show.

He granted the men a response. "I deem it unsatisfactory. The ending ruined it."

"Ah, that's because there's a… second part to the movie."

"Then, I trust you will inform me when you resume," Byakuya said. A Kuchiki never left loose ends untied.

The nobleman swept out.

The palpable tension in the room dissipated. The men expressed their pent up emotions. Captain Kuchiki Byakuya had a sobering effect on the men that ten cups of nasty herbal teas couldn't ever dream of achieving.

Someone clapped Renji on his back. "Quick thinking, man! And your captain isn't a bad sport either."

"_Freakin' hellfire_! I thought we were toast for sure."

"…_Kami-sama_!" implored a shinigami officer before his eyes rolled to the back of his head.

"_Araa_… it was too much for Maki-chan!"

Renji knows how he feels. He wiped the cold-sweat from his tattooed forehead. He doesn't feel all that far from fainting either.

* * *

Author's Note: Welcome to the 2 part side-story/extra for **Mirror Mask**. But, it can be read as a stand-alone story.

Picked the Live Action Death Note movie because of the small shinigami relation in the storyline. (Using the manga as a yardstick, it's probably not the easiest storyline to grasp while Asahi intoxicated ;) The movie does come in 2 parts, but the second is scheduled to premier only in October.

And the truth is: I've not watched the movie yet. So, the suggestion of a cliff-hanger ending is complete guesswork. Apologies for my shortcomings.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Bleach is the work of the maestro Kubo Tite.

**Shinigami Movie Night**

"Surprise inspection!" the 12th Division Captain barked, striding menacingly into the room. As always, his vice-captain, Nemu, followed discreetly in his shadow a few steps behind.

The Death Gods behind the control panel jumped to attention. Kurotsuchi Mayuri barely gave them a glance, his attention focused immediately on the giant screen. The President of the Shinigami Research Institute of Technology had a more tender look in his eyes for the machinery in the room than his subordinates. It didn't offend the 12th Division members in any way –since they had seen that same look directed at test subjects, one moment before the scientist performed scalpel-surgery.

A nervous Shinigami recruit keyed in an incorrect code by mistake, causing the device to protest the given command with a shrill default beep. The piercing tone could have cleaned earwax.

The 12th Division men exchanged alarmed looks. Apparently no one had reset the speaker system to its initial state after Renji's last Movie Night.

"What need is there to set it to maximum volume?" Captain Kurotsuchi snapped irritably. "Are you all _deaf_? Which one of you has a hearing problem? See me at the labs and I shall remedy it!"

Eyes darted uneasily towards the captain's head –or more precisely, towards the prosthetic ears. It was common knowledge that the captain had tremendous faith in bio-instrumentation. He had once demonstrated to the Division members how body parts could be modified into versatile weapons. Next thing they knew, the captain had unplugged his ear and started to pull a length of gristly ligament from his head. What they had originally mistaken for ghastly earwax turned out to be a sinewy weapon akin to a throwing chain. The revelation had served more to _appall_ than appeal to the Division members.

Captain Kurotsuchi took one menacing step towards the mortified Shinigami recruit. Something crunched underfoot. The captain stopped, and lifted his foot. A small, pale yellow, foreign object detached itself from the sole of his shoe. Kurotsuchi Mayuri bent down and picked up the slightly flattened discovery.

_Was it…?Could it be…?_

He held it up between thumb and forefinger, squinting suspiciously at it.

_Yes! Yes, it was popcorn!_

The clean-up crew had accidentally, (fatally), left behind substantial evidence. Kurotsuchi Nemu recognized it. So did the Death Gods at the helm of the controls.

"What is the meaning of this?" Captain Kurotsuchi demanded.

There were times when self-sacrifice was called for. And the 12th Division members were hand-picked from the Academy for this voluntary characteristic in them. Call them Guinea Pigs, Sacrificial Lambs even. But sometimes, they were _heroes._

"…It's a snack, Captain."

Mayuri eyed the duty-head. "Are you telling me that you were eating on the job?"

"Our apologies, Captain!"

"Well, what are you waiting for? Go the torture department and report yourself!" the captain said, waving the Death God on his way. "Tsk! Honestly, do I have to spell everything out for you? Get moving!"

"_Nossir! Yessir, moving now, taichou!_"

Mayuri rolled his eyes. A fairly disturbing sight to behold as his eyes whizzed in his head like a maddened mechanical doll. "How did such a dolt get into my Division?"

The 12th Division Captain gave the foreign snack one last probing look before he deftly tossed it into a trash can.

Captain Kurotsuchi's discovery soon reached the ears of the Movie Night partiers. There was talk of canceling the next session. But, the call of Death Note –Episode Two, was too compelling.

oooOooo

Abarai Renji thought about what a nuisance the _Jigoku-cho _could be. The midnight-winged messengers really ruined the atmosphere, flitting about, getting in the way of the picture. Distracting pests.

And something must be said about the idiots who choose to receive their Hell-Moth messages during the show. This was surround-sound heaven! Use your head! D'ya think you're gonna hear a squeaking butterfly above the sound of speakers like that? They were _made _to bring screaming typhoons and a battlefield of bombs into the house.

Ikkaku had suggested putting up portable electric bug zappers at the doorway. But the ingenious idea had been vetoed. Shuuhei had convinced them that it would be disastrous if any captain sounded the _Seireitei_ alarms for division members gone AWOL. Besides, Yumichika had added, although burning butterflies had a certain poetic beauty, there was the unpleasant stink to consider.

One of the boys had brought a stack of silk _zabuton_ in honor of the anticipated noble guest. He had pointed out to that they couldn't expect an aristocrat to rough it out on the floor like the rest of them, could they? Renji had reserved his opinion that his _taichou _probably wouldn't like to hear that he had more delicate, noble knees than the rest of them.

The red-haired vice-captain adjusted one of the silk cushions under his elbow. Well, there were so many of them, it wasn't likely that _taichou _would miss this one.

Just as he was getting comfortable, there was a hesitant tap on his shoulder and a nervous voice to accompany it, "_Anou…_Renji-san?"

Renji graced the interruption with a grunt, never taking his eyes off the screen.

The poking returned with vengeance. The irritated Shinigami grabbed the offending hand and turned around to give his colleague a piece of his mind.

The first thing he noticed was the middle finger's abnormally long and dark fingernail. It was a grotesque sight indeed, contrasting with the pallid hand. Next thing he noticed was the fact that the finger was attached to the arm of one livid Kurotsuchi Mayuri.

Captain Creepy had escaped from his lab assistants! Renji's panicked eyes sought support from the other Death Gods. They probably had enough backup here to take Captain Creepy down.

All the boys were huddled against the far wall. The cowards!

Abarai Renji met Captain Kurotsuchi's gaze. The look in the captain's eyes would be the stuff of his nightmares for many days to come.

oooOooo

Until this day, Renji ponders on what could have happened if Kuchiki _taichou_ hadn't stepped in to save his skin. Literally.

In fact, they had even received official permission to hold Movie Nights once a month –so long as they snagged a couple of titles for Captain Kurotsuchi. He had a fascination for the Horror Genre.

Well, preference was an individual thing.

Abarai Renji leant back into his cushion as Yumichika popped the disc into the player. The 11th Division officer turned around with a wide smile and clapped happily to himself.

His eyes swept the room and a shadow of _something_ tugged at the corner of his lips. "Enjoy the movie, my fellow-in-arms! _This _is a movie _for_ _true men_!"

For reasons they could not explain, a few men in the crowd felt a shiver run up their spines. They didn't know it, but it was probably the tingling of their Shinigami trained self-preservation instincts.

Midway through the show, there was uproar in the 12th Division screening hall. No amount of alcohol could have prepared the men for the shocking business unfolding on the large screen.

The show had hit certain sensitive and controversial nerves that night. But, there was no denying that the movie _Brokeback Mountain_ had been an eye-opener for the ­_Seireitei _Shinigami.

* * *

Author's Note: The end. 

HikaruOfArrow –I'm glad you enjoyed it!

rukiaprincess –All thanks to Kubo Tite's amazing ability create the wacky characters in Bleach.

Tarame –Hope you enjoyed this chapter too.

ice illuser –I'd love to know what you think of them watching _Brokeback Mountain_ this time… ;)

Daughter of ether –It wouldn't have fit into **Mirror Mask**. So, I'm glad you enjoyed it as a stand-alone.

lunartick –Thank you for your encouragement to complete this fic. I'm glad you liked the part Byakuya played in the first chapter.


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